What to talk about in therapy: the short answer
The easiest way to start a therapy session, when your therapist asks what you want to talk about, is to bring up a moment that took up space in your mind during the last week. Anything that upset you or made you sad. It can be a real-life situation, a movie, a dream: whatever comes to mind that took up emotional space. Let’s look at what can be a good “ice-breaker” with your therapist.
15 things you can talk about in therapy
- A recent moment that triggered you or made you angry
- The last dream you remember
- A recurring dream
- How you’ve been sleeping
- The first thing that comes to mind when you think about a family member or a friend
- Something you’ve been avoiding
- A thought that keeps coming back
- A relationship pattern you’ve noticed
- Your eating habits
- A memory that came back out of nowhere
- What you wish you’d said in a conversation
- A decision you’re stuck on
- Where you felt something in your body this week
- Something someone said that stuck with you
- How you feel about therapy itself, or about your therapist
What to talk about when you have nothing to talk about
Usually, your therapist asks you to start, as an ice-breaker. When something in your life pulls at you, even something small, it’s often your unconscious pointing you somewhere. That’s why it helps to have a few things ready to talk about in therapy, so you can say the first thing that comes to mind. The more you think about it, the harder it becomes. And if nothing comes, you can simply say “I don’t know what to talk about today.” That blank is a good place to start too.
What to talk about when things are going well
A good week is worth talking about. You can look at what’s helping, so you can keep doing it, and notice what feels different from before. When you’re not in the middle of a crisis, it’s also a good moment to explore what’s underneath, at a slower pace.
How to prepare for therapy: track your moments, thoughts and dreams
The best material for a session is what you noticed during the week. Here’s a simple way to prepare, in three parts.
Moments
1. Write down moments during the week. The easiest way to prepare for therapy is to write down moments during your week that are loaded with emotion. Those moments often point to something in your unconscious, and they give your therapist an entry point to start exploring with you.
2. Note what you felt and where. When you have those moments, note where you feel them in your body. This practice brings awareness to your body, and it helps your therapist understand what you went through.
3. Look for what keeps coming back. By writing down those moments and noting where you feel them in your body, you’ll start to see patterns. You can bring those patterns to your therapist as well. For example, you may notice that every time you see a certain person, your chest gets tight.
4. Pick one to start with. Once your moments are written down, pick any one. They’re ice-breakers, and if you trust the process, your therapist will help you unfold them from there.
Thoughts
1. Write down your recurring thoughts. If a thought keeps coming back during the week, take a moment to write it down. It can be a recurring thought or a thought that is heavy with emotion. Sometimes it’s a sad memory, or someone you can’t stop thinking about.
2. Note what you feel and where. Take a moment to notice how you feel in your body. Do you feel pressure in your head, or a tingling in your stomach? Write down whatever sensations come up.
3. Step back from your thoughts. An easy way to step back from your thoughts when you’re overthinking is to describe them. This lets you see a thought from the outside without identifying with it, so it stops controlling you. The easiest way to describe a thought is with colors, shapes or textures.
4. Pick one to start with. Once your thoughts are written down, pick any one to share with your therapist and start from there. You can even start with how you described the thought.
Dreams
Dreams can be seen as a window into your unconscious mind. Tracking your dreams and talking about them with your therapist can be a great starting point.
1. Write down your dreams. The easiest way to remember your dreams is to write them down as soon as you wake up. The more you do it, the easier it becomes to remember them. Even if you wake up during the night, write down what you can.
2. Note what you felt. Dreams can be intense, and the feelings in a dream shouldn’t be overlooked. They often connect to something happening in your waking life.
3. Pick one to bring. You don’t need to understand a dream to talk about it. Bring the one that stayed with you the most, even if you only remember a fragment.
How Within helps
The Within app helps you keep track of your moments, thoughts and dreams between sessions. Record those moments, notice where you feel them in your body, see the patterns that come back, and bring them to your therapist. Within is a journal to support your therapy, not a replacement for it.
Try Within for free on iOS and Android.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to not know what to say in therapy?
Yes, it’s very common. Many people go blank at the start of a session, especially in the first few. You can say exactly that, and your therapist will help you find a starting point.
Should I bring notes to therapy?
You can, and many therapists welcome it. Notes about moments, thoughts or dreams from your week make it easier to remember what mattered and to start the conversation.
What should I not say in therapy?
There’s nothing you shouldn’t say. Therapy is a space to be honest, including about things that feel embarrassing or that you think are too small. If you’re unsure, you can ask your therapist how confidentiality works.
